January 19, 2009 at 3:25 pm (Uncategorized)
I am PISSED!
I confronted J about his ‘wife’. *snicker*
1 word. BITCH!!
J knows me well enough to know that I don’t take shit from anyone unless I’ve done something to deserve the shit that’s thrown to me. Unfortunately for his wife that thinks she’s so above me, let me tell you this. I’m not going to sit still and take shit from you BECAUSE I’VE DONE NOTHING WRONG!!!!!
There I was thinking what in the world I’ve done wrong to offend her highness but guess what? I’ve done nothing wrong except for the fact that I am his ex. Sigh…… here we go again. Another stupid girl with her stupid baseless jealousy. I’m so sick of this. Give me a break can? She’s bloody married to him for god’s sakes! GAH!!! Why the fuck get all worked up over something that’s already in the PAST?!
Can’t she see that I’m already history whereas she is his future. He doesn’t come home to me every night. The marriage certificate doesn’t have my name on it. I’m not the one wearing his golf ball sized diamond ring (although I would love to…… not cuz of him but because the ring looks very nice can?). FUCKING HELL JUST GIMME A BREAK! *grumble grumble*
I have known J since I was a teenybopper and we have been on good terms despite me having to go through a tough breakup. Grow up already! Seriously. How can someone that’s older than me, well at least for a few months but enough for her to look like a 30 year old aunty, be so childish?!
J told me to have a ‘bigger heart’, sorry but no can do. I think I’ve taken enough. Ever since he told me that they signed the bloody papers I have kept my distance from him. Heck, I don’t want to be seen as some bitch seducing a married man and of course I have my man to think about. I reflected on my behaviour in KL. Did I say something wrong that might have offended her? Was I being overly friendly with J when I saw him? Was I all touchy touchy with J without me realising? NO!!!! I was keeping myself in check. I knew we wouldn’t be instant friends but I really thought that over time we could be. The few of us share a pretty close bond with one another. Our relationship may be weird, me being J’s ex and S’s current woman, but we’ve moved past that. S has no qualms with me meeting up with J alone or not simply because he trusts me and we’re not even married! Where as she? Her royal highness is jealous over something that happened nearly over 10 years ago?! Then just go back to China where you belong and don’t come back because you don’t belong here you alien!
Fucking pissed can?
Seriously. Why does this always happen to me?! Same thing happened with May. Only difference is I actually did something to piss her off but only because she’s a conniving bitch. What is it with these women? I must have done something very wrong to women in general in my previous life.
J told me to give her some time. She’ll come around sooner or later. Guess what? I don’t owe it to be nice to her. I’m nice simply because I want to be nice but when all I get is her spewing anger at me? Sorry. No can do. If anything she owes me and SHOULD make it a point to treat me well. I was the one that helped her husband through some rough times.
Selfish bitch.
I’d always thought J and I would never change. That we would never let things get between us. How wrong I was. This is just something that I don’t have to and don’t want to deal with. Stupid people with their stupid jealousy.
I’m so tired.
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January 11, 2009 at 2:23 pm (thoughts)
note: picture taken off google.
HC asked me over the phone yesterday, what does an engagement mean? or something along that line. I cannot remember exactly how he phrased the question.
For me, an engagement is simply a promise. A promise to take care and love me through the highs and lows and of course to never leave my side through all the tantrum throwing. *inserts evil laugh* Aiyah, just think of it as an unofficial marriage.
Must be due to those romantic comedies out there but most of the people I talked to expect their engagement and wedding to be this huge, highly publicized romantic event. =.= I cannot for the life of me understand why the hell would most people expect such unrealistic things. An engagement is supposed to be a promise between two people in a serious relationship that want to be committed to each other for life. Why in the world make it a public affair? It’s like putting on a show for the world to see how much you love your other half? Absolutely pointless ok? How long can the adrenaline rush last? 1 day? 2 days? At most a week before the excitement dies off. Absolutely pointless to do such things. And wouldn’t the girl feel pressured to say yes ‘cuz you proposed in public and with 100 pairs of eyes watching how in the world can she turn you down?! You may love her with all you’ve got but is she the same? She might be still unsure whether or not she wants to marry you then there you go asking for her hand in marriage in public. Say no then you have no face. Go find a hole to hide for the rest of your life also no use because you will be so humiliated it’d be better off to jump off a cliff.
After all that crap my point is that an engagement does not have to be a public, romanticized affair. It is equally fine to have him ask you in private with no flowers, no champagne, no candlelight dinner but with the person he loves that loves him back just as much.
To go off on a tangent. I recently attended a series of weddings. No shit. Everyone seems to be getting married left right and center and mine won’t be until 2 years or so later. Damn! Jk jk. Anyways, where was I. All save but one is more like a huge ass yam cha session with the bride and groom’s parents’ friends. So sien ok. A wedding is supposed to be a celebration of the union between 2 people! *in a singsong voice…… when 2 become 1……* haha…… dry joke. =.=” So yeah. How come in most weddings, chinese weddings anyway, it is the parents that steal the show?! Out of 100 tables only 2 belongs to friends?! The other 98 tables goes to family and mostly friends of the parents. So sad can? Is this a wedding or just some big expensive yam cha session for the parents? Sigh…… And omg, the karaoke. I get it that people are sending the bride and groom good wishes through a song but omg if you cannot sing then please for the life of your grandmother do not go up on stage and try to ’sing’ and make a huge fool out of yourself can?
Omg I’m getting so long winded so I shall abruptly end it here.
Oh and by the way (just in case J decides to read this and misunderstands my previous post) I’m thankful to have friends like J around me. I just felt the need to rant about the changes in our relationship.
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January 10, 2009 at 3:54 pm (of life, relationships)
I am feeling menopausle. Stupid hot flashes.
And because I am feeling menopausle everything seems to be getting on my nerves. Take J for instance. I knew him way back in high school. We’ve lost touch for some time when he went to college and a few years later found each other through MSN? (I cannot remember) and have been good friends ever since.
Both of us were overseas at that time and yet we were able to keep our relationship strong. When the both of us were in the same place, no matter how busy we made time for each other. Even when we were not we made plans to meet up.
But alas. All good things must come to an end…… BECAUSE OF A GIRL!! Lets call her Y. Now, Y is his wife to be which is all good because we’re bound to get tied down sooner or later and I am happy for him that he found someone that genuinely cares about him.
I met her for the first time when I went to KL last month. I was pretty excited to meet her, after all I’ve known J for so long and it would be nice to meet the woman who stole his heart. Surprise, surprise…… not. When we met the best she could do was muster a super fake smile, the fuck off I hate you kinda smile, and ROLLED HER EYES AT ME.
Yah, like I killed your whole family har? J did tell me before that she is the super possessive type. But I didn’t know it was this bad! Who the hell does she think she is?! If she must know. I knew J way before she ever laid eyes on him AND he was my ex! Wearing my old shoes and yet acting all high and mighty. Bet she didn’t know that! PUI!!
We haven’t spoken much since the trip, if at all. The only reason he called was for my help and the only way we met was through mutual friends. WTF. He’s one of the few whom I would consider a true friend and to have our relationship reduced down to this is unacceptable!!
It pisses me off even more that he would let this happen! I feel used. So all these years am I nothing but someone to help him pass time until she could be by his side? Is this all I am worth to him?
Just because you’re attached doesn’t mean you cannot have a close relationship with a girl friend. For fuck’s sake, she is already engaged to him ok? If she doesn’t trust him then why the fuck bother getting married to him? Why does she have to come between his friends?! I fucking hate girls like that. So childish ok? And to think that he would just let our relationship die off like this!! I am so pissed.
I cannot be bothered with people like these.
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January 8, 2009 at 10:16 am (relationships)
- post deleted-
Update: I was wrong to say not many people read my blog. The news is spreading like wildfire and causing some unwanted attention.
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January 6, 2009 at 2:38 pm (emo, family, relationships)
Even my parents think that I am in the wrong. They tell me to not always argue with him because he is a good man. A very good, dependable man.
Ok.
My fault. AGAIN.
Then daddy said I need to learn to let loose of the ‘me’. I am not the only living being here on this planet and the world does not revolve around me. Give and take can? With that he said I will lead a happier life.
Ok.
Never mind about me then because when something comes up it is ALWAYS my temper, my fault. Admittedly I do have a badass temper, my fuse is superby short and I think I am right half the time but I don’t loose my temper for no reason ok?
I have every right to be angry.
We agreed that since he has to work during the day and is so damned busy that at night would be our time to do stuff together. Ok loh. I agree. After all he has to work for a living. I sure as hell do not want my man to be a bum that feeds off his father. So useless. There goes having breakfast with him. There goes lunch. There goes dinner. Unless I get lucky and he has some teeny bit of time to spare for lil’ old me. I’m fine with that. Never mind that he gets off work so damn late. Never mind that he cannot have dinners with me because he gets off work so damn late. I am repeating myself.
Now, what gets me fuming is when my time, what little time that I have with him is stolen from me because he has to work. I mean, c’mon!!! Already getting off work late, ok?!! Can spare me some time to do what I want?
It’s already January. Soon I will be back in Melbourne for 2 years with hardly any holidays meaning that I might not be able to come home. This is my last looooong holiday and how have we been speding it? Pretty much doing nothing! I can count with one hand the amount of times we went to the movies and shopping and I have been back for almost 2 months.
I am starting to loose my line of thoughts.
I am so disappointed. So so so so so disappointed at how things are turning out. I sure as hell don’t know how things will turn out after I return to Melbourne.
I’m so tired. I won’t put in anymore effort into trying to make things work because my efforts will only be met with disappointments.
I’m not making any sense. Going to take nap now. Tiiiiiiiired.
ZZZzzzzZZZzzzz…….
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January 5, 2009 at 9:26 pm (emo)
I HATE it when people tell me what to do and what not to do.
And that includes my parents.
Actually it all started out really innocently. I know they were just trying to help me. But I was already in a pretty foul mood and that was adding oil to fire and what started out as a discussion turned into a heated arguement. I feel bad. Kinda. But I’m still in a very foul mood so I shall push all guilt aside and fume until I can fume no more before I start feeling guilty.
My throat hurts from the screaming.
Another thing I HATE is being taken advantage of and seeing my loved ones being treated as fools. Maybe they don’t mind it. But heck I do! So because of that I bring many unnecessary problems onto myself and I am angry half the time because the world is so unfair …… whatever lah. I know my efforts will be futile. Need to start practice no diu kung fu.
I am one heck of a bitter woman.
Sigh.
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January 5, 2009 at 10:22 am (of life)
Tags: pleased
Happy new year!
My bad. Not been updating much at all.
I have an upset stomach. Now that is a surprise because I have a stomach made of steel and it doesn’t get upset easily. But it is and it has made me quiet snappy and unpleasant because my stomach hurts and I have to make repeated visits to the toilet and because of that I am home bound and am quiet bored.
Driving in KK, I find, is really testing my patience. People just don’t get that you’re supposed to drive FAST on the FAST LANE. Fucking retards drive at 60 even 40km/h on the FAST LANE. Slow lane even worse. Sigh. Just kill me can?
On the brighter side of things, my toilet smells nice. Smells like lavender. =D Ah…… Nice smelling, clean toilets. I likes very much!
Ok. Time to go. Update soon.
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