I REALLY REALLY REALLY, REALLY HATE BEING LIED TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
came and went
July 13, 2009 at 9:19 pm (relationships, travel)
The hubby came and went. Sucks how time has to fly by so quickly when you’re having fun. I have never traveled so much in the 6 years that I am here. Sigh…… Feels so incredibly lonely since he left. 10 days of pure TLC and being taken care of. I want more of that!!!!
We’ve done some pretty incredible things, by my standards anyway. Those that know me well knows just how much I am afraid of heights. And there we were on the 88th floor of Eureka Tower, confined in a glass box that was projected out of the building with clear glass walls and floor. I was so afraid the sweat from my palm was pretty much dripping down the hand rail! It was worth it though. =D The view…… THE VIEW!!! And amazing just now encouraging the man was the whole time, and his poor arm. I had a death grip on it!
So I had a great idea to drive to Great Ocean Road. I had the GPS, the weather cleared up. Everything was puuurfect! …… until the GPS decided to fail me. >.< We got lost, kinda. Missed most of the scenic route!!! After 5 hours, we finally got there. PHEW! I don’t think I’ll ever want to do this again. It is soooooo tiring! Everything else was perfect though. It wasn’t too cold, the weather was amazing!
Besides sight seeing. We ate. And ate. And ate. And ate even more. I’ve pretty much gained back all the weight I’ve tried to shed since last year. =(
I’ve been feeling quite depressed since he left. You hear so many people saying things like how you discover more about your partner with each passing day and that feeling never fades? So true. I thought I understood him pretty well but this trip made me realize just how much more of a man he is! After so many failed relationships I think I can now say that I’ve hit jackpot!
He is so incredibly patient. So incredibly encouraging. He loves me! TONS! A bonus I’ve always hoped for is that he can cook!!! And he loves my pigs. Adores them! I didn’t even have to request that he play with them. It was the first thing he wanted to do when he stepped foot into the house. How sweet is that? To have a man love the things you hold close to your heart. =D
All the frustrations and feeling of uncertainty about the relationship just melted away. I didn’t have to even bring up any concerns and his actions pretty much proved me wrong. I think I’ll have to learn to switch my mind off. Thinking too much is really not the way to go.
I miss him.
So so much!
restless
July 2, 2009 at 7:15 pm (relationships)
Waaa….. I’m on a roll.
I’m just restless!!! 4 more hours.
Why can’t time go by faster and then stop.
Happy moments should never end!!!!!
i don’t owe you
July 2, 2009 at 1:48 pm (relationships, thoughts)
Tags: annoyed
It’s funny how some people think that everyone owes it to them to be nice.
Get over your high horse.
What makes you think you’re better than everyone else?
clean and clear
July 1, 2009 at 7:24 am (relationships)
We knew what happened yesterday but we dare not ask.
We were worried.
I know I am in no position to say anything but since you’ve already made up your mind then stick to it and really mean what you say. Make it a clean break huh? Don’t spend the night there anymore. If anything it’s going to hurt even more and feels like there’s still hope.
So yeah, these are the things we’ve wanted to tell you a long time ago.
Don’t take it the wrong way, nothing against you.
of being thankful and sad
April 13, 2009 at 8:10 pm (family, relationships)
Big thanks to Hin Ching!
Was a pleasant surprise to see him in the airport! Don’t know how I’d gotten through last night if it wasn’t for him!
I’m missing grandma. It’s just really weird not having her with us anymore. I keep telling myself that she’s gone to a better place but still…… It’s hard.
Mom and dad said that when she passed her chest was warm. Even after 9 hours her chest was still warm. Dad said that it is stated in one of the sutras that if the chest is warm that means that the deceased has gone up whereas if the feet were warm that would mean that the deceased has gone down to a not so good place.
Sigh…… I miss grandma. T_T
I won’t get to see her anymore. =(
And to think that just over a month or so ago I held her hand and stroked her hair and watched as she slept. Can’t believe that just 2 days ago all that I was holding to was her remains.
I miss my grandmom.
=(
bite me……
March 2, 2009 at 8:49 pm (decisions! decisions!, of life, relationships)
…… and I WILL bite back.
It’s funny how I’m told to be patient when I have done NOTHING wrong. Yeah, go ahead. Make it sound like it’s all my fault.
BUT!
You know as well as I do that the problem lies not in me but in the person you call your wife. I will from now refer to her as ‘it’ because she doesn’t deserve my respect.
So tell me. Me trying to be friendly and yes, I was patient with its’ temper and making sure I keep my distance…… so tell me what I did was wrong. If that’s wrong then I would’ve continue to be friendly like how I always am with people whom I consider FRIENDS.
What’s my problem? My problem is, and you very much know that I do NOT take shit from ANYONE especially when I didn’t do anything to deserve it. You are considered lucky because it is your wife and because of that I give you face and I shut my trap just so we can all live in peace. So tell me WHAT I DID WRONG!!
I have no rights to get pissed? So you’re saying that I should let it continue to push me around, intentionally make me feel left out in my own turf and have it treat me like some worthless junk because it can and will simply because it is jealous?
Now let me tell you something. NO WAY. If it cannot deal with the fact that we were once an item then it shouldn’t even get married to you in the first place. Better yet. Just have a baby so it’d get off my case. Funny. It having a baby would suddenly make us not once an item? Is this how its’ brain is wired? Then I would highly encourage that you have a baby with it because the longer you put it off? The more likely that more firction is going to build up between us. So since you have been blaming yourself for all the shit it has put me through then go do us all a very vyer good favour. GO HAVE A BABY!!!!
Oh and you know what? Stay off my case. How I treat my FIANCE has got nothing to do with you. Just because you think that I’m senselessly controlling him does not mean that it is the case. I’m pretty sure you don’t have to ‘teach’ him, like you said you were doing to not be afraid of me. Let me make this clear once and for all. He is not afraid of me. He does what I tell him to do out of respect and not out of fear. What does it matter to you anyway? He’s MY fiance and NOT you!!
I will say this one more time. If, that thing you consider your wife continue to attack me without any reason simple because it thinks it can? I’m sorry lah but one more attack and you and that thing are going to be sorry you ever met me. And if you haven’t figured it out by now? I don’t need it for me to survive. That thing on the other hand needs all the friends it can make just so it won’t be so lonely. AAwwwww…. poor thing. NOT!
My stress level is over the roof as it is and you very well know it. So just stop making things my problem when they are not can? If you still call yourself a friend then sort out your own shit before you come pointing fingers at me.
Worst case scenario? I shall snip snip. Snip you and that thing out of my life. Much more easier to do now that the both of you have pissed me off really good.
rant
January 10, 2009 at 3:54 pm (of life, relationships)
I am feeling menopausle. Stupid hot flashes.
And because I am feeling menopausle everything seems to be getting on my nerves. Take J for instance. I knew him way back in high school. We’ve lost touch for some time when he went to college and a few years later found each other through MSN? (I cannot remember) and have been good friends ever since.
Both of us were overseas at that time and yet we were able to keep our relationship strong. When the both of us were in the same place, no matter how busy we made time for each other. Even when we were not we made plans to meet up.
But alas. All good things must come to an end…… BECAUSE OF A GIRL!! Lets call her Y. Now, Y is his wife to be which is all good because we’re bound to get tied down sooner or later and I am happy for him that he found someone that genuinely cares about him.
I met her for the first time when I went to KL last month. I was pretty excited to meet her, after all I’ve known J for so long and it would be nice to meet the woman who stole his heart. Surprise, surprise…… not. When we met the best she could do was muster a super fake smile, the fuck off I hate you kinda smile, and ROLLED HER EYES AT ME.
Yah, like I killed your whole family har? J did tell me before that she is the super possessive type. But I didn’t know it was this bad! Who the hell does she think she is?! If she must know. I knew J way before she ever laid eyes on him AND he was my ex! Wearing my old shoes and yet acting all high and mighty. Bet she didn’t know that! PUI!!
We haven’t spoken much since the trip, if at all. The only reason he called was for my help and the only way we met was through mutual friends. WTF. He’s one of the few whom I would consider a true friend and to have our relationship reduced down to this is unacceptable!!
It pisses me off even more that he would let this happen! I feel used. So all these years am I nothing but someone to help him pass time until she could be by his side? Is this all I am worth to him?
Just because you’re attached doesn’t mean you cannot have a close relationship with a girl friend. For fuck’s sake, she is already engaged to him ok? If she doesn’t trust him then why the fuck bother getting married to him? Why does she have to come between his friends?! I fucking hate girls like that. So childish ok? And to think that he would just let our relationship die off like this!! I am so pissed.
I cannot be bothered with people like these.
oh the happiness
January 8, 2009 at 10:16 am (relationships)
- post deleted-
Update: I was wrong to say not many people read my blog. The news is spreading like wildfire and causing some unwanted attention.
big ME, little me
January 6, 2009 at 2:38 pm (emo, family, relationships)
Even my parents think that I am in the wrong. They tell me to not always argue with him because he is a good man. A very good, dependable man.
Ok.
My fault. AGAIN.
Then daddy said I need to learn to let loose of the ‘me’. I am not the only living being here on this planet and the world does not revolve around me. Give and take can? With that he said I will lead a happier life.
Ok.
Never mind about me then because when something comes up it is ALWAYS my temper, my fault. Admittedly I do have a badass temper, my fuse is superby short and I think I am right half the time but I don’t loose my temper for no reason ok?
I have every right to be angry.
We agreed that since he has to work during the day and is so damned busy that at night would be our time to do stuff together. Ok loh. I agree. After all he has to work for a living. I sure as hell do not want my man to be a bum that feeds off his father. So useless. There goes having breakfast with him. There goes lunch. There goes dinner. Unless I get lucky and he has some teeny bit of time to spare for lil’ old me. I’m fine with that. Never mind that he gets off work so damn late. Never mind that he cannot have dinners with me because he gets off work so damn late. I am repeating myself.
Now, what gets me fuming is when my time, what little time that I have with him is stolen from me because he has to work. I mean, c’mon!!! Already getting off work late, ok?!! Can spare me some time to do what I want?
It’s already January. Soon I will be back in Melbourne for 2 years with hardly any holidays meaning that I might not be able to come home. This is my last looooong holiday and how have we been speding it? Pretty much doing nothing! I can count with one hand the amount of times we went to the movies and shopping and I have been back for almost 2 months.
I am starting to loose my line of thoughts.
I am so disappointed. So so so so so disappointed at how things are turning out. I sure as hell don’t know how things will turn out after I return to Melbourne.
I’m so tired. I won’t put in anymore effort into trying to make things work because my efforts will only be met with disappointments.
I’m not making any sense. Going to take nap now. Tiiiiiiiired.
ZZZzzzzZZZzzzz…….
